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Goodbye.

My friend passed away last night. He was at home, with his wife, and he went in his sleep. I suppose if one has to die those are the ideal circumstances. But, he was still in his 30s, and last January he was feeling fine. This past summer he and his wife were planning a trip to Hawaii once his treatment was over. And last weekend he was hoping for visitors at home. Then, poof, he was gone. Life is too fragile, and too short.

I have observed my brain detaching from my emotions as it processes all of this. Even though we were not close, he was a close friend of many of our mutual friends, and all week there has been palpable tension and sadness within my community of friends because of this. I can't help but feel something as a result; it's like holding an electric wire.

I've never had to sit and wait for someone to die before. And oh my, it's difficult. I can't even imagine how hard it must have been for those closest to him. You don't want your loved one to leave, but you don't want them to suffer, either. Where's the balance?

*Heavy sigh.*

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( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
lunesse
Nov. 17th, 2011 10:40 pm (UTC)
*sigh* I think I know who this is.

So sorry, Gina. Did you go over to see him? This is such a huge issue that I don't think us humans can ever really wrap our brains around, it's just so ..... huge....

So sorry.
g_na
Nov. 18th, 2011 12:26 am (UTC)
Yes, you do. I never had the chance to see him - a friend called on Friday to say he was going home from the hospital, and that he would want visitors later this week. But once he got home his condition deteriorated too quickly. I was not left with anything I needed to say to him so I feel okay about that - I think he and I were in a good place in that respect.
lunesse
Nov. 18th, 2011 04:15 am (UTC)
I am glad that you are in a good place in regards to that. I thought about it a lot the past few days. I ended up thinking it was such a HUGE elephant in the room, but in the end, if that is what you wanted to do, if you had had something to say, well, then, fuck the elephant. It is so big and huge and obvious, so OF COURSE it will direct action. And so what? Death is so huge and permanent well, dude, if it stopped people from coming, if it were me, I'd be just one notch more pissed at it for showing up. Of course it's why folks would come to see me. So what? It's the immovable elephant, so yeah, anyone who wants to squeeze in the room with it, come on in!

*sigh*

cheezaddict
Nov. 17th, 2011 11:40 pm (UTC)
It makes me want to hold close to my friends (you!). And it brings me into the present in a way I don't usually experience. I think it's an opportunity for all of us to talk about death and dying. It's something we don't do well in our culture. Even us goths. I have thought about you a lot today.
g_na
Nov. 18th, 2011 12:32 am (UTC)
Thanks, Jenny. I have been holding you and all my friends close to my heart these last few days. I don't want you to slip away!

I think we all tend to avoid talking about death because, hey, it's unpleasant. But talking about something like that tends to take away some of its negative power, so it's probably something we should do more.
cygnoir
Nov. 19th, 2011 02:09 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss, Gina.
death_by_soy
Dec. 21st, 2011 07:17 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear this, and I'm sorry my reply is so late (I don't check LJ much anymore). Quite a lot of my friends have been affected by cancer recently, although most of them are safe again for the moment. There's no easy way of dealing with these things. I had a meltdown not too long ago in response to all of the negative events going around- I literally convinced myself that I was dying of skin cancer because I found a new freckle. Normally I wouldn't think anything of it, but my brain is so primed with death that I flipped myself out.

I think that the best thing that one can do in these terrible situations is try to gain something positive from them. If you're ever unsatisfied with some aspect of your life- (e.g., you don't like your boss, you're in debt etc.) try to frame your situation in the context of these events, and I guarantee that you'll instantly feel more positive about your situation no matter how bummed out you are feeling. Another positive way of coping is to add renewed meaning to your own life- live each day like it's one of your last- spend more time with friends and family and enjoying yourself.

I hope that you are feeling a bit better by now. ::hugs::
g_na
Dec. 26th, 2011 04:05 pm (UTC)
Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I am doing much better now, thank you. Since his condition was terminal it was almost a relief when he passed away, if that makes sense - the positive thing was that he was no longer suffering.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )